If you ever find yourself in a situation were you can’t find your body, don’t worry, you’re not dead—you’re just in a sensory deprivation tank at a classified “black” site. For those readers who know nothing about the information extraction “technique” of sensory deprivation by tank, the victim is first tranquillized, covered in a desensitizing gel, placed in a wet suit and then suspended in a tank of water with oxygen. When the damned regain consciousness, they do not receive any sensory input—they see, smell, touch, taste, and smell absolutely nothing—and due to this minor alteration in brain activity, their brain will put these neglected regions to use in completely new ways, creating a super-introverted reality. This introverted orientation allows simple thoughts (i.e. Am I dead?) to become immense encyclopedic realities of their own. A direct consequence of this unknown, dynamic restructuring of brain activity is a massive surge of anxiety, which then compounds upon itself causing the victim’s very thoughts, and therefore their newfound sense of reality, to collapse inward in an unimaginable, subjective hell.

Finally, when said victim has had enough self-destructive alone time (about 24 hours in real time/an eternity to a brain devoid of sensory information), they are pulled from the tank as an emotional wreak and are then exposed to light, warmth, and most importantly, human interaction. Being in this emotional state, a person is severely prone to spilling any piece of information they may wish to hide in exchange for the simple touch of another person.

Now, the next time you discover yourself in a sensory-devoid purgatory-like state, REMEMBER! CHILL OUT! You’ve been given a free ride on the thought-express into the unknown depths of human consciousness. Call it a free 24 hour binge on DMT, call it a union with your god, but just remember to play along and freak-out every once and a while for the government spades watching your vital signs.