Boston Rebuilds After Mooninite Devastation

As thousands lay dead in the city that was the birthplace of American democracy, the few survivors and relief workers left standing in the broken rubble of Boston can only clear up the rubble and bury the dead.

The attack started on Wednesday, when the notorious duo, Ignignokt and Err, descended upon Boston. Mankind’s first contact with an alien race quickly turned violent, as thousands of civilians fell victim to the slow moving but deadly Moonlasers. The aliens, which NASA scientists have theorized originated from the very center of the Moon, toppled hundreds of buildings with their devastating Quad-Laser, including the Old North Church, the Cheers bar on Beacon Street, and Fenway Park. The Mooninites, as they identified themselves between insults and laser fire, also pillaged many of the stores in the Boston area, most notably in the electronics district.

The attacks are thought to have been so destructive because of the alien devices found in strategic locations throughout the city. One is pictured below.

Though the devices appear to be nothing more than an electronic light board, government officials are crediting the few lives that were saved to the Boston Police and the Transit Authority, who removed and destroyed most of the machines.

Even more horrifying than the Second Boston Massacre is the thought of what could have happened. Many similar devices have been discovered in cities across the country. To date, the small plaques which bear the likenesses of the alien menace have been found in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia.

The devices which were not immediately confiscated by government officials soon found their way onto Ebay, where they are currently selling for thousands of dollars. The internet also helped identify two suspected “alien collaborators” in Boston, who posted videos of themselves planting the alien devices two weeks before the attack. The D.A. was forced however to charge the two men with planting an ‘infernal machine’ as opposed to counts of treason.

It is currently unknown why the Mooninites chose only to attack and pilage Boston. Some reports indicate that while on the way to New York, the alien spacecraft stopped in a small New Jersey suburb, and then soon after left for the Moon. After the attackers left, President Bush emerged from the White House nuclear bunker to declare that what was left of Boston “seems to have made it through” the massacre, and to devote 30,000 troops to finding the Mooninites in Iraq.

JUST IN: Footage of the Aliens in New Jersey!